TheUNInterrupted:A Sports Odyssey

ASSISTKINGS QUARTERLY VOL. 2 WE BEGIN AGAIN WITH VOLUME II: WE BRING TO YOU, AS WE ALWAYS DO THE MOST INFLUENTIAL,  THE MOST ESSENTIAL AND THE SIMPLY REVERENTIAL  10. ROBERTO FIRMINO (Liverpool) -2 assists -CHANCES CREATED  -TOTAL: 6  -AVG: 1.3 -Key Passes Off Post: 0 -UDGC: 1                The Brazilian #9 wasn't at his best for most of the Liverpool v Arsenal match, though it was his deliciously cushioned pass into Mohamed Salah, following a Trent Alexander-Arnold punt into the box, which created the penalty for Liverpool's 2nd goal.              Firmino's volleyed pass was so irresistible and had set Salah free in such clear space, the ball forced Arsenal's new signing David Luiz to halt a tap-in by ripping his former Chelsea teammate's kit off his back, taking the yellow card and forcing the Egyptian to earn the goal at the penalty spot (a cynical, though thoroughly  tactical perspective Arsenal will be better served by attainin

          ... as if the football gawds had heard our doomed cries from the pit after Barcelona's all time low this last week that saw them featured as a club finally hitting its iceberg, truly at rock bottom, it was a performance worth celebrating that surprisingly arrived for Barca fans.           On the back of a horrific 1-0 loss to Bilbao, the sight of our slapstick Ahab manager who'll only be fired if he murders Messi, a never-ending and futile ch ase after a manipulative and high maintenance Brazilian ex-lover, the unnecessary loaning out of our most valuable transfer purchase of all time (and the meager offering we received from Bayern for Coutinho's services), the injury to our 2nd most valuable transfer purchase of all time (Ousmane Dembele going down with yet another hamstring injury) and the already devastating blows from missing Lionel Messi, Luis Suarez, Carles Alena and now Jean-Claire Todibo, coupled with the deranged embarrassment Bartomeu has wrought

            ASSISTKINGS QUARTERLY 2019/2020 VOL. 1        We return just when most leagues begin their first match days (Italian Serie A ehh? Hurry up!) and right before the math gets a little heavy, although none of these players have failed to hit the ground running.        In fact there were many we had to leave out due to a simple numbers game, guys like Eric Pieters, Paul Pogba or David Silva . This was a tough picking...as many players displayed some incredible quality to begin the 19/20 campaign         According to Squawka, we've already seen six different players providing 2 assists in a single match across the Premier League's first two match-days, with all six players hailing from six different nations. Across Europe, there's actually been 11 total including Thiago Mendes and Houssem Aouar's braces of assists for Lyon, Axel Witsel with 2 vs Augsburg, Erik Thommy with a brace against Bremen while Marcel Sabitzer and Diego Jota snatched hat tricks of assi